wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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