also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
only you would photoshop your dick
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
