Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
