I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
