Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
