Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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