I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
