i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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