I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
