at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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