Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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