Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
