I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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