You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
