i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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