Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
