I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
