So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
