did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
