I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
