We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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