Got a toothbrush?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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