It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
