Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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