he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
