you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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