oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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