I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
