So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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