What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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