You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
