So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
