he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
