Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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