Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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