When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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