Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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