Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
my liver is dry heaving
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
