Sponge bath it is.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
