it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
