My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
