I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
