Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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