i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
