Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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