The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I forget how to act sober
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
