He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
