apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
