her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you have feelings for this penis?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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