we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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