It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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