a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
